Fixing Bad Copy
Read my field notes from encounters with bad copy and bizarre UX.
Portfolio Analysis
Existing App
My Revision
The Vanguard investment app fails to guide users through logical flows. Every task is a challenge because the copy seems to have been written from an internal or expert perspective. The “portfolio analysis” tab is particularly confusing.
The first block of text is labeled “Investment Style”. It uses industry terminology without giving context, and lacks a linear cause-and-effect structure.
Below, four icons are presented as possible ranked outcomes of a portfolio analysis. While the green, yellow, and red ratings follow a traffic light pattern of increasing severity, the blue rating isn’t a rating at all - it just indicates a helpful suggestion. It doesn’t fit the taxonomy, and its inclusion breaks down the logic of the system. “Helpful hint” is not a score or rating. Arrows and question marks only muddy the water. There’s no indication of which rating the user actually received.
My revision divorces suggestions from the portfolio grading system, clarifies the suggestion about Investment Styles, offers a link to an article about style-based investing, and surfaces only the specific red, yellow, or green rating that the user’s portfolio has been awarded.
Yahoo!’s Cookie Notice
Existing App
Yahoo!’s cookie notice is packed with thinly veiled legal jargon and repetitive lists of potential uses for your data. It’s honest and transparent, but there’s not a clear, continuous tone or message.
My revised copy reinforces Yahoo!’s honest, transparent approach while distilling their notice down to a few key sentences.
I replaced “experience” with “choice” in the heading to position the user at the helm of their web journey.
I exchanged the bloated first paragraph for a single emotional sentence to quickly engage with the user and seek their approval.
If they choose to continue reading, they may jump to the next bold line. The user is now aware of their two options, and feels empowered to choose. This builds trust.
If the user reads the fine print, they come away with a clean, concise understanding of what cookies may do.
Technical jargon is kept to a minimum, and legalese is reserved for the full downloadable policies.
Each line delivers clear information while contributing to continuous themes of choice, privacy, and candor.
